Potty Training Day 3.

We're done. Not the exciting, "yay we did it" kind of done, but the "it's not working" kind of done.

The last few days for me have been exhausting and frustrating, but also allowed me to step into the supportive encouraging mothering role. Frankly, Claire isn't quiiiiiiite there yet. She likes the idea of the potty, could spend all day on the potty, but she doesn't like actually going in the potty. So while I sit there and try to excite and encourage her, it would appear that I was torturing her. And I felt awful. So I think we'll wait until she really really wants to.

I think it'll be better that way. We still have tons to explore and it will be nice to not stop to go potty all of the time. Right?

We Survived Day 1.

Yesterday we began potty training. It was exhausting, it was hard, and at the end of the day I wasn't sure if I was up to the task. In fact, I convinced myself that I'd rather go through natural child birth than endure potty training. The problem with that idea, is that I'd then have 3 kids to eventually potty train. The resolution: we will be adopting the rest of our children. And they will need to be potty trained already.

Ok but seriously, we spent Saturday talking up using the potty, getting Claire excited, watch some potty song videos, and even took Claire to pick out her own rewards. (Chocolate candies. She takes after her grandmother. )

The morning went alright. 2 successes and 2 accidents. And the afternoon was just insane and frustrating. After the girls went to bed, Ross and I just relaxed. Come bed time, I was prompted to ask Ross for a blessing. I didn't know what for and it was probably the longest blessing I've ever had. And I knew that it wasn't Ross giving the blessing. He was a tool for Heavenly Father so He could talk directly to me.

After that I felt so much more peaceful, confident, and whole. Yesterday was just awful and challenging. I read the same stupid board book probably 10,000 times while she sat there, sang ridiculous songs, and had chats. I'm just not realizing how socially awkward I am. Not just because I spend my days talking to a two year old (and lately it's only been about poop and pee), but also coming out of Utah county. It's interesting, every time I go out, it's impossible for church to not come up in a conversation. Anyway...

This morning Ross and I woke early. While he got ready for work, I got ready for potty training day 2. I cleaned the front rooms, set up the potty next to a hot breakfast, and prepared myself for the day.

This morning was a little frustrating, but we had two successes and I think she's starting to get it more. She seems a little afraid of actually going, but hates having accidents. I read somewhere that some toddlers see going to the bathroom as literally losing a part of themselves, so I've been trying to be as compassionate and patient as possible. Ross gave Claire a blessing this morning, as well. Hopefully that'll help her figure this potty thing out.

I think she's getting it, but I'm absolutely expecting lots of accidents over the next few days. I've seen a lot of "potty train your child in 2 days" or 1 or 3 days things going around Pinterest, but I think Claire will need more time than that. She should have it down by this weekend though.

After last night, I feel a lot better about the whole thing. I'm not worried about cleaning or cooking. Aoife is fine just playing and watching Claire. Maybe I've finally figured out I don't need to do it all. And not having it all together doesn't mean I'm a terrible homemaker or mother. And I'm really really looking forward to just having one kiddo in diapers. We survived day 1, and now we just have to survive day 2. Feel free to send us a Hallmark card. I'm sure they have something for parents enduring potty training, right?

Cutting Myself Off.

Before we moved, my nutritionist girl friend came over. After her visit and amazing consultation, I was determined to stop my bad habit. And I did. For a little over two weeks. And then my kids got really sick, and we were moving, and yada yada yada. I have I think four more cans in the fridge and after they're gone, that'll be it. When we went to the store, I got a replacement, just a little flavoring to add to water. I have a new fitness goal and a reward set in place and I really need to start taking care of my body. So here's to you, Diet Coke. You have been a faithful friend, but it's time to end our relationship. I love you.

Motherhood.

Being a mother is terrifying. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and love being a mother, but I am not perfect. Far from it in fact. Sometimes I yell, I get stressed out and overwhelmed, I toss and turn at night thinking about the ways I screwed up, how my poor children deserve the perfect mother, and yet they got stuck with me, lots of things. Sometimes I'm not sure how I got blessed with such funny, interesting, sweet baby girls, when I'm sure there's a long list of women who would do a better job as a mother.

Humans are unique. When we are born, we cannot do anything on our own. We have to be cared for and taught. And that is terrifying to me. Aoife is almost 11 months and still army crawls, she can't go from sitting to crawling (or vice versa) on her own. Shes not standing or pulling herself up. And sometimes I wonder what I'm doing wrong. Claire was "late" too, so I tried something different with Aoife, but she's "late" too. I miss my reassuring pediatrician and I'm a little upset with him for not relocating with us.

Claire just turned 2 in November, and I feel overwhelmed and disappointed that she isn't fluent in Latin, Spanish, and Romanian, can't read or write, and doesn't know the difference between mitosis and miosis. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mother. 

We only have one car. In Utah, I'd drive Ross to work/school and pick him up every day. The girls and I would go explore and play. Since moving, Ross has needed the car to travel between offices. Now that orientation is done, us girls could have the car. Instead, Ross and I decided that he would have the car Monday, Wednesday, and Friday while I had it Tuesday and Thursday. That way we save gas, and the girls don't think they need fun outings every day. M/W/F have become my cleaning days. (Well, except for today. I'm still waking up.) But I also use those days to play with my girls. I make sure they get individual time, and time together. I've been looking on Pinterest, and I've found some indoor activities I could do with them, too. Remember my Toddler Jar? I think I'll be making another one of those, and include activities to develop skills and little things I could teach.

Today I've been researching potty training. I tried once before, but it was way too early. She wasn't ready and I just got frustrated. Lately she's been going into the bathroom. Her potty is set up right next to the big toilet. She'll sit down next to me still clothed and wearing her diaper, says she's going tee-tee (though I seriously doubt she really is). I'll hand her a wad of toilet paper to wipe and she'll carefully wipe her self, despite being fully clothed, and then she'll flush the toilet for me. She's been wanting to wear her Disney princess underwear, and loves being sans clothing whenever we're at home. She's been telling me when she's going, so I think she's ready. This weekend I'll be going out to pick up some little potty prizes, and we've been discussing the potty all morning. We even watched a bunch of stupid potty song videos on YouTube. (Most of which were disturbing, but Claire still loved them.) They got her excited about using the potty. Come Monday, she'll have to say goodbye to her diapers, but she'll get to wear the coveted princess panties.

I guess the idea of having to teach my child to go to the bathroom in the toilet feels so daunting right now. However, I do not wear diapers, and neither do most grown ups. Obviously it can be done. Right? I know I can do so much better as a mom, and I'm excited about the changes and plans. I guess I'll just need to focus on the small victories for a while, instead of counting the number of times Claire asks me to sing the ABCs with her. I spend so much time worrying and looking at my incomplete to-do list that I haven't fully enjoyed the ride. The dishes can wait. I don't need to wash the burner pans three times a week, and who cares if my carpet is perfectly vacuumed every day? I'd much rather play catch and do somersaults anyway.

Recycling.

Ross and I spent most of our growing up in Oregon. If you didn't know, Oregon is BIG on being green and recycling. My sister is a true Oregonian. When she was little, she would seriously get upset if we forgot to recycle just the tiniest thing. She even wrote a letter to the President about endangered animals. And he wrote her back.

After Ross and I were married and moved to Utah, I was horrified that our condo complex didn't have recycling. I think for the first week I was wandering the parking lot looking for the recycling bin, which didn't exist. Little naive me even sent a letter with our HOA payment about how we needed to have recycling. (I'm sure my sister would have been so proud.) It was a waste of a stamp.

When we started apartment/house shopping, I noticed that a few of the apartments actually advertised recycling as part of the amenities. Words can't even describe my joy and our house hunting turned to exclusively those that listed recycling.

We filled that bin up with our moving boxes and since then I've gone a little overboard. I saved a smaller box from the move and I keep it under the sink as our recycling bin. J-you are in my heart each time a put a scrap of cardboard in the recycling box.

My overflowing recycling box.

Since my recycling box is over flowing, this one is almost full, too.

When Ross' schedule gets more settled, I think I want to wrap it in fabric and do it up Pinterest style.

Long Distance Relationship.

This is my BFF, Kami. Unfortunately, we were too busy having fun together to take a picture of us together, so this is her and her cute family. If I had Photoshop, I'd smack myself in there, too. In fact, I'm not sure why I wasn't invited to their picture session.



We're pretty much like twins, and we get along perfectly. Luckily, Kami has a son, Boston, that's only a tiny bit younger than Claire. And they got to be pretty great friends, too. It all started from Boston stealing Claire's sippy cup while they played in Relief Society, then they got to be in nursery together, and we had lots of play dates in between.

Claire misses Boston, probably just as much as I miss my Kamikins. She still asks daily to play with Boston. Luckily they've been able to keep in contact.

I really do miss hearing Boston and Claire squeal and scream as they run up and down the hallways and watching them play together.

Kami, we should probably set them up on a Skype or Face Time date.

Back to School.

Yesterday I took a big leap of faith that was a long time coming. I enrolled in the cosmetology program at Empire Beauty School. I think last September was when I first seriously thought about it. In the months following, I did research, talked to friends in the industry, researched the three major schools in the Madison area, researched more, called a lot of people, and prayed and prayed and prayed and fasted about it.

Each time I prayed, I had the same peaceful feeling about it. And then I'd think about my girls and what I would do with them, and fear would take over. This week I spoke more intimately with the major schools in the area. After the first two, I still knew that this is something that I need to do, but the girls were holding me back. Reluctantly, I called Empire, the last school on my list. The first question I asked was if they offered night classes. I almost peed my pants when he mentioned they did. The rest of the conversation went amazing and I was eager to meet with him. I had already scheduled tours of the other two schools. When I had asked them about bringing the girls with me in case I couldn't find a babysitter, they responded negatively. However, when I asked Jason, the admissions director, about it, he was so excited to meet them and asked me to not even think about finding a babysitter. So the school seemed perfect before I even went in.

Yesterday Ross picked the girls and me up while he was driving between offices so that I could have the car. The school is only 3 minutes away from his office. We had a little over an hour until our appointment, so we went to McDonalds for a quick bite and to let Claire get some energy out. (Ok I'm embarrassed about how many times we've been to McDonalds, but more on that later.)

We got to the school, girls loaded in the stroller with the proper distractions. (iPad, fruit snacks, and my phone.) And went in. I immediately noticed that the students on the salon floor were always busy. No one was just standing around. If they weren't working on a  client, they were working on their mannequins. They had a few people waiting in the lobby, and everyone was so kind and friendly. They even had a few regulars that the students and staff knew by name. I filled out a little paper work and then headed back to meet with Jason and learn what I could about the program.

I could write you a novel out of excitement, but I don't want to bore anyone. I'll be in class Monday-Thursday 5:45-9:454 and Saturday from 9-1. So 20 hours a week. I love that the girls will always be with either Ross or me. And I'm grateful for his support in letting me do this. I wanted the whole package deal. I want to learn hair textures, coloring, cutting, styling, nails, artificial nails, skin, facials, make up, waxing, the business side, and the science side. I wanted the WORKS. I wanted to compete in shows, and have extended education opportunities. And this program had it all. I got to look into a classroom and watch for a while. I'm sure it'll be hard, being a mom is hard enough, but it also looked like fun.

And now for the icing on the cake.  The extended education opportunities. Nick Arrojo is a partner of Empire. (If you don't know him by name, a while back he was the hair stylist on What Not to Wear. When Jason and I were going through the book, his picture came up and Jason said, "This is Nick, we'll talk about him later..." And I freaked out. I'm pretty sure I blurted, "I know Nick! Tell me now!!" So he teaches and does workshops for Empire students. And I get to go to them and meet the man himself. (I don't get to brag very often and my braggings are usually  something like, "I totally got that poop stain out of the carpet from Aoife's blow out.".

Classes start February 18th, so I still have a little time to get acclimated and explore Wisconsin a little more. I'm really excited about this though, and know it's what I need to do right now. 2013 is off to a great start!