Ross and Claire landed (or should have landed) in Portland about a half hour ago. Ross' sweet sister, Serena, is graduating this weekend. I'm really excited about her coming out to BYU at the end of August. The house is quiet, and even though it's only been a couple hours, that's been more than enough time for me to think.
I graduated four years ago. I first took the SAT when I was in 6th grade. In elementary school, I participated in all of the math and science after school programs. I had been in the TAG program for as long as I can remember. I went to marine biology summer camps two summers in a row. And I loved it. I got my first B my sophomore year of high school. (Thank you, Mr. Massey.) And I cried about it. Yep, I was one of
those kids.
I remember hauling around more textbooks than my backpack could carry, staying up almost until I had to get ready for school finishing papers and projects, and being dropped off at Beaverton High School with my little cup of cereal and water bottle to take the PSAT and later the SAT.
My senior year I took all of my classes at the local community college. I ended up completing the requirements to graduate as well as my entire freshman year of college. September came around and I went to Oregon State. Winter came and I felt like I needed to be in Utah, or at least at BYU-Idaho. So, I transferred to BYU-Idaho, but would start until mid-April. I didn't know why I was inspired to do so, but I do now and I'm so grateful I listened!
Ross and I had been friends since I was 15. We played guitar together, sometimes when he was working close to my house he'd take his lunch break at my house. He even went to a high school dance competition with me. He graduated, went off to BYU, and soon was leaving on a mission. We made snicker doodles and played 007 on the XBox as a last hoo-rah before he left to serve a church mission in Romania.He returned two years later in December, right before Christmas. I had only written him a few letters while he was gone, and I still have the letters he wrote me. When he returned, we started talking again. A lot. I can even claim the honor of being his first date back in the US. We went ice skating and ate Mexican food. And he went off to BYU. We still chatted and texted, and we'd joke about how funny it'd be if we actually ended up together. I was kind of dating someone, and he wasn't having any trouble getting dates at BYU. And I was jealous. I finally had the guts to tell him of my secret crush I've had all these years.
His semester was ending at the same time mine was starting. He finished his finals early and decided to spend a few days in Idaho with me, which I'm so incredibly grateful he did! When he pulled up and I went out to greet him, I was expecting a hug. What I got was a big kiss. Right in the middle of the street. People honked as they drove by and the people walking by cheered. It was pretty much straight from a movie. And I guess that was the start of it.
Ross spent four days in Idaho. He stayed with my roommate's friends We'd meet up every day after my 7:45 AM Chemistry class. (Who would blame him for not wanting to go?!) And then spend the rest of the day together going to classes, cooking, watching the playoffs, and just hanging out.
Those days are sort of a whirlwind looking back. We spent the next month talking nonstop. Ross had gone to California to work with his brother. Thank you technology. Ross' family often jokes about how our entire relationship was texting. I'm positive I racked up their phone bill. There were nights we'd talk the ENTIRE night and poor Ross would have to go do a 12 hour day in the California sun doing construction. When he was done, we'd talk late. I don't know how he survived.
The part of our story that surprises people the most is that Ross and I never actually dated. At this point, we had talked about our thoughts and feelings, but we were still friends. Memorial Day Weekend was coming up and Ross and his brother, Jake, were going to be in Oregon. I decided to take some girls and go so I could see him. We met each others families. While he had been to my house on a couple of occasions before his mission, I don't think my family ever really MET him. We played basketball with my sweet baby sister in the street. I will always remember the day I met the amazing Lovelands. When I pulled up Wesley, the youngest and comic of the bunch, came running out and said, "She drives a mustang?! Yeah, you can marry her!" He later told me I couldn't go swimming with them because I didn't bring my bathing suit and I was wearing a white shirt. We went to the park. I was so nervous my palms are sweating as I type this just thinking about that day. I played frisbee with Ross and Serena. They both made fun of me for how I caught the stupid thing and taught me how to catch it like a normal person.
That Sunday evening we went for a walk around the Portland temple. (The white building that looks like a castle as you drive down I5 in Lake Oswego. If you haven't been there, check the picture on the right side of my blog, go take a walk around it, and check out the new visitor's center! It is absolutely beautiful.) We sat by the fountain and that's where he popped the question. He later told me he didn't get down on one knee because people were there and he didn't want to make a scene, but it was sweet and perfect all the same, not to mention unexpected. I was 18 then, with a birthday just 4 days away. He pulled out a ring with quite the rock on it from Claire's, saying we could go ring shopping the next day to pick something out.
We continued texting for the next couple months with a few small trips to visit each other in between. In August he went back to Provo while I stayed in Oregon until October when we got married. We always joked about how funny it'd be if we ended up together and joked about getting married. I guess it's kind of funny how things worked out.
In Provo I went through a couple temporary jobs until I landed a pretty good job doing title insurance. Up until that point we had talked about me going back to school. My transcript from BYU-I was trashed due to being sick and having to drop all of my classes (and I'm sure from being engaged) so BYU was out of the question. I needed resident status for UVU. The plan was to go back after living in Utah for a year.
Ross' mom often says, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." and I agree with that wholeheartedly. Shortly after starting up at Union Title, we found out I was pregnant. June came and the company was struggling and I was let go. I took on a paper route to help make things meet in the meantime right up until sweet Claire was born. And then I was a mom.
And I think I had an identity crisis. Before, I was smart. I loved school. I loved learning and working hard and accomplishing things. Then I was the main source of income while Ross focused in school. When I became a mom, my sole purpose was to keep this little alien alive. I didn't leave the house very often aside from my daily Sonic run, never got dressed, and completely lost all sense of purpose and identity.
I got some help and I realized that being a mom was the most important and greatest thing I could do. I loved Claire. I had gotten things back on track, gotten myself put back together and found my sense of worth. And then we found out about Aoife. I wasn't happy about it for a while. Pregnancy was all too fresh and I wasn't sure how I could handle two so young, and especially so close together.
And sometimes I still have that identity crisis, though I know without a doubt that I'm doing what I'm supposed to right now.
As Serena graduates this weekend, I can't help but think. A lot of the people I went to high school with are graduating with their bachelors degrees. Some are going off to graduate school, others are getting jobs in the grown-up world. Sometimes I can't help but feel like a loser. Few are married, fewer have a child, and even fewer have two. It's kind of weird thinking about all of the different paths we choose to take, how those decisions change, and where we actually end up. I would have bet my life I'd end up with a Master's or Doctorate.
As I look around my house right now, I have laundry piled up to the sky, every kind of snack imaginable smudged into the carpet, and toys cluttered around the house. If you would would have asked me in high school where I saw myself in five years, this definitely wouldn't have been it. I'm often reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven". I need to do a better job of remembering that one when I'm feeling down on myself for not having finished school yet, or even the dishes.
One day my house will be clean, but for now I'll just enjoy watching Elmo music videos with my daughter. One day Claire will be potty trained and I won't have to gag every time I change a poopy diaper. One day the girls will be able to play with themselves, or help with younger siblings and I won't have to watch Elmo or play with the shape ball 10,000 times a day. One day they'll be in school and one day they'll be graduating just like Serena. And one day it'll be over and I'll wish I had a garbage bin full of diapers and could find muffins in the bath tub and a chalk masterpiece all over the top of my coffee table.
Our prophet, Thomas S. Monson said, "I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for th.at illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now. ...Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family."
While I'm bummed I can't be in Oregon to celebrate with Serena and spend time with wonderful family, I'm grateful for the weekend I have to get the house together, nap, and regroup so I can be the best wife and mother I can be when those two cuties come back Sunday night.
