I Love Being A Mom, Even At 3 AM.

During the last couple weeks, I've grown a greater appreciation for mothers. Especially stay at home moms. After I was laid off from my desk job in June, I felt like a loser. I did not serve a mission, don't have a degree, wasn't even in school, and was four months pregnant. The chances of me getting another full time job were pretty slim. At least when I was working full time, I felt like I was actually contributing and doing something. We didn't need to worry about finances, or health insurance.

I took on a paper route and spent the days cleaning, cooking, making Ross' breakfast and lunch before school, running errands and walking. I still felt like it wasn't enough. A couple months before Claire was born, I read. A lot. And I came across a talk from Jeffrey R. Holland in a book. Just a simple line stood out. " there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons"

Growing up, I always thought that being a stay at home mom would be the easiest thing on the planet. Truth be told, after the last couple weeks, I have discovered that it is one of the most challenging things I have done. Being a mom is tough, being a stay at home mom though, is so much more difficult.

Mom's really do sacrifice a lot for their kids. I don't think I really noticed or appreciated the things my mom did till now. Not only do they sacrifice the tangible things, but I realize now, that many moms would probably love to have a full time job, or go to school, but instead choose to stay home. I'm an active person. I'm not satisfied if I let my day go by without doing something productive. I love being busy, and feel lazy if the house isn't spotless and dinner isn't on the table when Ross gets home.

With Claire, I don't get out of bed till 11, am lucky if I can squeeze in a shower, and haven't made Ross breakfast, lunch, or dinner. The laundry is currently on my bedroom floor just waiting to be folded, while the second load is still in the washer. Three days later. I am so beyond grateful for both of my moms who have come and helped us out, and seriously dreading Saturday when we will be on our own again.

I'm so grateful for that quote and small reminder that it really doesn't matter that I haven't showered in two days, and we pick up clothes off of the floor as needed. I don't have a full time job and I'm not back in school yet, but I don't feel like a complete loser anymore. I've never been so tired in my entire life, my new perfume is ew de spit up, but I love being a mom.

BTW, Ross' mom took us to get pictures of Claire. It was a real treat! We get the prints back on December 10th, but they're online for people to look at. You can take a gander by clicking here. Thanks, Mom!

Two Weeks.

Claire is 2 weeks old today. Seriously child, stop that. I feel like we just brought her home yesterday. We accidently slept through her appointment yesterday, so I have no idea how much she weighs right now. Lesson learned: Do not schedule appointments at 9 AM when you KNOW you won't be sleeping much at night. But she is getting chunkier, so I assume she's getting bigger. If she actually slept through the night, I'd be ok with her staying this small forever. I love her.

We're actually going to take newborn pics in 40 min, so I'll post more pics later. I promise. :]

Introducing: Claire Danielle Loveland

I haven't blogged in a while. I apologize. The past few weeks haven't been filled with much, besides trying everything I could think of to have this baby, and that's not really interesting to blog about. Well, nine days ago, she finally came! So now I can finally post something somewhat worth reading!

The Stats:

Born 8:17 PM

7 pounds 11 ounces

20 1/2 inches long, and just the cutest thing.

The Story:

I'm a vain person. My own mother even told me so. For the last few weeks, I'd make sure to do my hair and put on make up in the morning. Just in case that day was THE day. Then I'd shower at night, and tell the baby in my stomach that she isn't allowed to be born until the following day. Just so I wouldn't look too repulsive in pictures.

We decided Friday was going to be a great date night. We were planning on going to the dollar theater to see the Wall Street movie. Friday morning came and I spent literally 3 hours getting ready for my hot date. I did my face mask, painted my toes and fingers, curled my hair, and did a great job on my make up. I had my outfit picked out and was even planning on wearing heels. That didn't happen very often, being huge and all. Normally I just go with flip flops. This date was going to be a big deal. Our last date without kids for well, forever! I was scheduled to be induced Tuesday morning at 6:30 if she hadn't come by then.

5:00. I was on my way to pick up Ross, and was hurting a little. After dinner, I was hurting a lot more. We decided to stay home and just have a game night. There was no way I was going to be able to sit through a movie. By midnight, I was just about in tears so we went to the hospital. I hadn't progressed after an hour of being monitored, so the nurse suggested we walk around the hospital for half an hour to see if that would help. It didn't.

We got home around 3:30. Ross went right to sleep. I, on the other hand, was up all night. By morning, I was sure I couldn't handle any more pain. I didn't really want to go back to the hospital without being positive that I'd be coming home with a baby. I held out as long as I could. I took 4 showers/baths. Ross gave me a blessing, and we were off to the hospital again around 11. Turns out, I really didn't care WHAT I looked like.

While being monitored, the nurses were incredible. They did everything they could to make me as comfortable as possible. After half an hour, I still hadn't dilated more. They called my midwife and came back with great news. I WAS ADMITTED! After a few hours, and a wonderful epidural, Claire Danielle was born. This new addition is such a joy and great blessing.

I Want To Fake Labor

Just so Ross can come home. I quit the paper route about a week and a half ago, thinking I could catch up on sleep, and get some things done. The first few days were great! But it is HARD sitting at home alone ALL day. There's only so much you can clean. I'm confident that you could eat off of ANY surface in my house. And no amount of walking will encourage this little girl to make an appearance. I almost want to tell Moms that we had the baby, just so they can come play with me for a week. Sure, faking labor would get Ross home, but he'd just be home for the day, and probably not too happy with me for making him skip school and work.

Dear baby,

Please show up soon. I am bored and lonely, and kind of bored of talking to you through my stomach. You don't listen to me anyway. Love, Mom.

Sleep.

Weds was the last day of the paper route. Thursday was supposed to be glorious and I was supposed to sleep the entire night and enjoy not getting up at 2:30 to go roll 300 newspapers. I was up the entire night with contractions and didn't sleep at all. Lame. The next night, I was passed out before 10 PM, and didn't even wake when Ross finally came to bed. I slept the ENTIRE night. Without unisom. I didn't wake up till 7. That's NINE hours of sleep right there, ladies and gents.

I was making Ross' lunch while breakfast was baking and told Ross my body was feeling really weird today. His response: "Uhh rested?" It's true. I was thinking about it and this will be the first day in a few months that I would not be going back to bed after taking Ross to work. I have the ENTIRE day alone. And I have NO idea what to do with myself. Yesterday I scoured and scrubbed the house, so there isn't even anything to clean today! We'll have to see what I can come up with.

Gratitude.

It's something I'm working on. I complain. And whine. A lot. I'm pretty sure I've used up all of my complain vouchers for my lifetime in just the last few months.

Tomorrow is my last day on the paper route. Each day usually on my way home, but sometimes on my drive to the warehouse I see a man on University Avenue in downtown Provo. He's either curled up on a park bench in front of the Health and Justice building, or under the eve of Zion's bank with a tarp of a blanket covering him. He has a shopping cart full of random things right by him, and if you look close enough, you'll notice the only shoes he has is a pair of pink women's 2 in heels. And it just breaks my heart. I think about him often and make a mental note to talk to Ross about him. But I usually forget by the time Ross is awake and I begin all of my morning "chores".

Last night I was treating myself to a hot bath while Ross was reading in the other room and I started thinking about this man. I didn't want to forget to talk to Ross about him, so we had a chat shouting through the door. Ross is probably the kindest person I know. He's never said anything mean or negative about anyone, even if he's had a bad day, and never gossips, or makes jokes at another's expense. It's one of the things I like best about him, and something I need to improve.

Ross suggested I give him a pair of Ross' old shoes and his winter coat when I see him this week. It was something I had been thinking about for a while. I love how in tune Ross is. Thinking about it, I got scared and told Ross how scary it would be to approach an old stranger and possibly wake him up, just because I'm a girl and it'd be dark. Ross just said, "Scary for you, or for him?" Good point.

This morning when I left for the route, it was snowing. SNOWING. And I was tired and achey and it was freezing outside. As I got in the car, I thought about that old man on University Avenue, and just didn't want to complain to myself anymore. I have been so incredibly blessed and have so many things that I really don't NEED. This last year of being married and truly on my own I have learned that having just a little is more than enough. I love it. I have so much to be grateful for that I haven't really even thought of. Instead of thinking about how cute my living room would look if I just had some curtains, I'm thinking about how great it is to own a pair of shoes that fit and are for my gender. I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband who can teach me a little more each day about kindness and gratitude.

One Year Down, Eternity To Go.

Things have been a little busy and it's taken me a couple weeks to get around to it, but we've been married for a whole year! Everyone always says the first year is the hardest. If that's true then we're in for a real treat! This has been the greatest, most fun year! A week ago, Ross and I were running errands. Sitting in the car, I go, "I think I've really grown up over the last year. I always thought that after you get married, you're automatically a mature adult. It was kind of a shock when that didn't happen!" Ross responded, "Yeah, you're definitely not the girl I married." uhhhhh "It's a good thing! You ARE a lot more mature and grown up! You're not as crazy as you were then." I love pure honesty. In all seriousness, it really has been the best year ever. Married life is just so fun!

After we got married, we had so much time after pictures until reception so we went to Olive Garden for some soup, salad, and breadsticks, and then did a corn maze. Most people shoot us weird looks and laugh when we say that, but I loved it. It was so fun! We decided then that that's what we'd do each year from there on out to celebrate and let me tell you, I was SO excited to go do a corn maze this year!

We went to Cornbellies at Thanksgiving Point. When we were looking at it online, it looked a little pricey, but they had two huge mazes and thought we'd give it a shot. It was the coolest fall/Halloween place I've ever been. They had SO much to do! One of my favorites was the mechanical bull. Though I didn't ride it, I am so excited for next year when I won't be cooking a baby. I told Ross that I WAS going to be getting on that next year. The guy operating the bull was so funny. After someone would fall off, he'd still move the bull around and charge, forcing whoever fell off to get up and run, usually stumbling and falling before they could get out.

They also had a princess pumpkinland with play structures and a princess bounce house. We liked watching all the little girls go inside the costume shop to play dress up in huge princess ball gowns and then go play. Ross is super excited to play dress up in a couple years. :]

We could have spent HOURS just walking around and doing all the little things and looking at stuff, there was just SO much to do. The maze this year was in honor of the 100th anniversary of Boy Scouts. It was huge! When we went in, we turned instead of going straight through the arch, and ended up doing the maze backwards till we got stuck and decided to turn around and go back to where we went in. It was so hard and by then we were cold and ready to be done. Maybe next year we'll have more luck with the maze!

I'm sure you've all noticed over the last year that we have been TERRIBLE at taking pictures. I fully intended to bring the camera and actually take pictures on our anniversary date, but I was too excited thinking about soup and salad that when we left for Olive Garden, I forgot the camera. We're hoping that once our little girl is out, we'll improve our picture taking skills. We don't want to end up being like, "Well, this is us when we got married, and this is you when you're 5. We're not really sure what you looked like before then, because we didn't really take pictures." Hopefully we see an improvement for year 2.