We've Been MIA.

And quite understandably so. Since becoming a family of five, we celebrated Christmas, moved two days later, settled in, I've been going to school, Mama and Papa Loveland came to visit, my mom came to visit, everyone had the flu, and Aoife turned two.


I feel a little guilty not documenting the happenings of our family, but blogging was just one more than I didn't need on my plate.

I'll spare everyone the details of the challenges of adjusting to having three kids in three years (and three kids in diapers.).Tiegan is a pretty needy baby. I do freezer meals instead of actually cooking, my house is never clean, I get dressed just before I need to leave for school, and my girls have been wearing their dress up dresses daily and I don't even care. I spent most of the day on the couch and wanted to punch everyone that talked about how wonderful motherhood is.

I was drowning. I lost my patience more than I should have. I yelled, I cried, and most of all I thought someone screwed up in designing Kate's plan. I was not meant to be a mother. Or a wife. I was meant to have lots and lots of cats. I love things from Pottery Barn. I like my house clean. And quiet. I like to sleep. And none of those things come from toddlers and babies.

I get anywhere between 30 minutes and 2 hours of sleep per night. I felt like the nights I prayed the hardest for help/sleep, were the nights Tiegan struggled the most. It was easier when the sun was up, but I still wanted to trade the munchkins in for fish. Not even dogs, fish.

I reached the lowest of lows and asked Ross for a blessing. Immediately after, I felt relief and I wasn't drowning anymore. I started getting a handle on life and these crazy girls. My house is still disgusting the majority of the time, and I do freezer meals instead of actually cooking, but none of that matters.

I watch Claire blow bubbles and remember the joy of being a child. Aoife is just plain insane and impossible to keep up with, and Tiegan has the biggest gummy grin in the mornings to go with that intoxicating baby smell that makes everyone happy. I still don't fit in my pants, and I might not ever fit in them again, and the only thing in our house that is truly MINE is the Diet Coke in the fridge, but all of the little things are reminding me of just how blessed I am and how much I really do love being a mom. There's my explanation for being MIA -Now for Loveland happenings!

Aoife turned two. I had class that night, and having recently moved, we kept everything low-key. I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest. Since when did birthdays become a huge production?
We met up with Ross for a birthday lunch. She got a massive sundae bigger than her head. She wasn't too sure about everyone singing to her, but loved the ice cream.

We had one really nice day a couple weeks ago. We took full advantage of it and went to the zoo. It's been a long COLD winter. As in school was cancelled a few times because it was too dangerous to go outside cold. It was wonderful to get outside. The girls loved the puddles from the melting snow and were soaked head to toe within seconds.

Claire sometimes gets in her own world. I think she thinks she's a princess? Amy way, she gets in her world and will say random movie lines. (Can you tell what we did all winter?) We were at the zoo when she entered her world. The ENTIRE time we were there, she'd walk around saying, "Who are you and how did you find me?" "Why do you shut me out?" "Why did you bring me here?" Things like that. Really great lines for her to be saying out in PUBLIC. I'm not sure why she couldn't have said happier lines. Bless her heart. It was hilarious.

We also signed Claire up for ballet this summer. She's finally old enough for a couple of the community sports! With the temperatures now consistently above freezing, I'm getting excited for all of our summer adventures. We will be living outside after this awful winter. I'm so grateful to finally be getting a handle on myself so now I can enjoy these three sweet babies. Summer can't come fast enough!

And now for pictures from the last couple weeks.

Tiegan Is Here!

For everyone who would rather not read through all of the details-

Tiegan Skye Loveland
Born at 7:14 AM December 13th, 5 weeks early.
5 pounds 10 oz
19 inches
And absolutely perfect.

Thursday I had every intention of cooking, cleaning, and going to class. When afternoon rolled around, I had a weird feeling that I should stay home from class and clean. I was feeling pretty crampy, but I hate missing class so I was just going to go in anyway. I went to get ready and noticed just a little bleeding. She also hadn't been moving as much as she normally does. The longer I thought about it, the worse my imagined scenario became. I decided to call and see if I was okay to just watch it. But of course they told me to go in to get checked out. Ross was going to be home within the hour, so I decided whenever he got home I'd head in.

By the time I got to the hospital, contractions had picked up, but they still weren't painful. I've had a ridiculous amount of contractions throughout the entire pregnancy so I didn't think anything of it. The crampy feeling had gotten worse though. A couple different doctors came in to talk to me in triage and asked what I thought was going on. They decided to check to see if I was still leaking fluid and check my cervix. The first doctor checked me and said I was dilated to a 6. They left to go consult with my specialist team as well as the doctor on call. After a while they came back in and decided to have someone else check. The second doctor said I was a 4 or 5 maybe, but that I definitely stretched to a 6, so she wasn't sure where to call the number. They left again to go decide what to do with me.

I ended up spending a few hours in triage while they decided what to do. The plan changed a million times and it was frustrating not knowing if I needed to have Ross find someone to watch the girls so he could come in. At that point I was pretty uncomfortable, but just wanted to get sent home so I didn't have to be in the waiting game. I think it was around 10 they came in to check me again. I had thinned and dilated a little more so they decided to admit me.

Wisconsin has an attitude of "Keep the baby in at all costs!!" So none of the doctors wanted to do anything to intervene or help things progress. They were pretty sure I was in labor, but not 100% sure, so there was a chance they'd just be watching me over night and I'd be sent home in the morning. Contractions had picked up. I was uncomfortable but not really in pain. We decided to have Ross come in just to be safe.

I had packed the hospital bags a week or so ago, but I kept them in our room where Aoife naps. During "naptime" Aoife had been slowly unpacking and scattering the contents. When Ross went to get the bags, they were empty. I had to make up a list off of the top of my head and sent him on a scavenger hunt. He was also in the middle of doing laundry, and cleaning as fast as he could. Everyone give him a pinch and tell him what a fantastic husband he is.

While Ross was en route, I was moved to another room. I hadn't been pregnant long enough to have done the Group B strep test, so we decided to play it safe and get the antibiotics going. I was pretty uncomfortable and started feeling nauseous. I got to poke around the room. The bath tub was ridiculously deep and looked fantastic. They also had a birthing ball there that I loved. Once I was hooked up to the antibiotics, I got set up on my ball with my barf bag and water jug and I was set! Ross came in and played a game of Skip-Bo with me before I sent him to get some sleep.

I decided to hop in the tub. Because I was early, babe had to stay on the monitor and they also wanted to keep a close eye on contractions. They were every 2-3 minutes. But they had a really cool portable monitor I could take in the tub with me. The nurse was fantastic and brought me bath blankets and kept checking on me to make sure I was as comfortable as possible. I wasn't hurting enough to want anything, but she kept a close watch on me anyway.

After the tub I decided to get back in the bed and distract myself with Netflix. The doctor wanted to check me again and I was thinner and pretty loose. But still, Wisconsin wants to keep the baby in no matter what, so no intervening. They figured my water would need to completely break to get me progressing much more, and since they weren't going to break my water, the nurse suggested morphine to help me relax. The morphine only lasts about an hour, and just takes the edge off. Right after it went in I felt weird and was wondering what I had gotten myself into. My body just felt heavy and I was woozy. I turned on my lullaby station on Pandora and settled in. Contractions were picking up, but the morphine was wonderful. I was able to sit back and relax. A couple hours later the nurse came in to check on me. I was back to feeling nauseous and was now HURTING. It didn't take long to get to the "kill me now" point. It was close to 6:30 and Ross was awake now. The doctor came in to check me and I was now at a 7. She said my composure had completely changed and I was definitely in labor so she decided to break my water. Instantly contractions got a million times worse and it wasn't long before the tears were rolling and I was rocking around, getting on all fours, and acting crazy.

Shift change was happening so the new doctors and nurses hadn't met me when I was still happy and making jokes. They were walking in to meet me at the worst time possible. Later I found out I introduced myself as "Crazy". I always thought women who said awful things to their husbands while in labor were crazy, but after going through that, I completely get it. I didn't say anything to him, but I definitely shot him looks. Poor guy. Have you seen Bill Cosby's Natural Child Birth? Yeah- it was a lot like that.

While I was praying for death, I said yelled some gems that are now the nurses' new favorite labor quotes. Among the winners:
"Holy Frick!"
"Frick on a Stick!"
"Holy Crap!"

And the winner (while I was pushing)-
Me: "HOLY BURNING RING OF FIRE!!!"
Nurse 1: Did she just say holy burning ring of fire?
Nurse 2: Yup. I think that's a song.
All Million People in the Room: HAHAHAHAHA

And of course I had the sobs of "I can't do this." "I don't want to do this anymore." "I don't want to have a baby." "I don't want to push." Everyone was very encouraging and of course kept saying thing like, "You got this" "Good girl" "You're doing great" "Here's your barf bag" But my main nurse was my tough love gal and just what I needed. Every now and then she looked like she wanted to slap me, but she'd say, "We're having a baby right now. You HAVE to do this. You're fine." I was absolutely in panic hysterical. Tiegan was also facing the wrong way so they tried a couple things to get her to turn. They didn't work.

Not much longer and it was time to push. And I really didn't want to. Ross and I had always joked that he'd do the Bill Cosby chant, "Push him out, shove him out, way out!" But due to concern for his safety, he decided not to. It was probably for the best. A few pushes and a lot of "HOLY FRICKS" later, Tiegan came out crying. We had the nursery staff and NICU staff in the room just in case. I got a tiny peek at her before she was whisked away to be checked out. I sent Ross over while I got stitched up. She scored 9's on both apgars, and was absolutely perfect. I'm so grateful for doctors and medicine and for the aggressive approach we took with steroids. And everyone should throw Ross a couple Benjamin's for enduring an epidural-less delivery with me. Poor guy.

We got to cuddle for a while before we moved to the recovery room, which was great because she didn't have a name yet! We thought we picked her name months ago, but recently we started thinking of others. We came to the hospital with a few we liked, but after she was born, none of them were right. It was a little stressful having to start from scratch, but eventually we found the right name.

 She's a champion nurser and eats like none other. Because she was so early, they had to test her blood sugars before every feeding for the first 24 hours. She did perfectly. It was so much fun getting to keep her with me and take her home with us. We've had to take her in every day to make sure her weight and bili levels still look good, but we love this little nugget and can't believe we have a trio of little girls!

We are absolutely smitten. And life with three littles is absolutely insane so I'll have to post about that next nap time.

Protein Pumpkin Pancakes.

Yesterday I forgot to start the crockpot and had to quickly throw something together for dinner. My go-to fallback dinner is always breakfast. Last night I decided to try protein pumpkin pancakes. And they were glorious. The original recipe was Paleo-but we are a family on a budget and while we love to eat healthy, coconut or almond flour is never on my grocery list. The recipe also claimed to only make 4-5 pancakes so I quadrupled it. I had 4, the girls each had 3, Ross ate 11, and we still had plenty for the next morning. I love leftovers, so I'll post the recipe as I made it, but feel free to half it if needed.

Protein Pumpkin Pancakes-
1 C. Flour
12 eggs (yes, TWELVE of them.)
1 t. Baking Soda
2 t. Cinnamon
1 t Salt
1 C. Pumpkin Puree
2 t. Apple Cider Vinegar
4 T Oil (Recipe called for coconut oil. I love cooking with coconut oil, but didn't have any on hand so I used vegetable oil.)
1 t. Pumpkin Pie Spice
 And Maple Syrup, because who eats pancakes without syrup?

I tossed everything into the Kitchen Aid to mix and we were good to go. They came out thinner, but oh so tasty. I think the Lovelands have a new favorite pancake recipe.

A Little More News.

I'll start with my doctor appointment last Friday. Remember a couple weeks ago when I said I had graduated to only needing to come in every other week? I take it back.

The good news is her head is up pretty high. And that's about all of the good news. I've been having more and more contractions that hurt much worse than before. It's a little funny. Ross and I will be watching a show and every so often I'll take a breath, hold it in and leap off the couch because it's too painful to sit. All the while muttering all kinds of things to myself.

Doc thinks I probably won't last much more than a few weeks, so I'll be going in every week now to get checked. We'll probably do another round of steroids soon, which is great for the babe. She's pretty much guaranteed a spot in the NICU, but the steroids will help a bunch. I really don't know what to expect this time around. It's the first time I've been on shots to keep her in there, so it's hard to say when she'll actually come. That's the hard part. Last week I pulled out all of the newborn clothes, and the toys and bottles just so I know where everything is.

Which brings me to the next bit of news.

The Loveland's are moving! A couple of weeks ago we signed a lease at a new complex about 20 minutes away. It's right between the office Ross works out of the main Epic campus. Which will be wonderful since he works out of Verona sometimes. It's closer to where we grocery shop, work, and school, but it's also more out in the country, so it's a little quieter.

Our complex decided to raise our rent but they also really wanted us to renew our lease. There have been a few things I really don't like about the complex, so we decided to check around for other options. For a while it didn't seem like we could find much for January. (Seriously, the WORST time to move.) But then this place popped up, and we're so grateful. It's an end unit on the third floor. (I am going to have amazing glutes hauling 3 kids and groceries up and down those stairs.) It's about the same size that we're in now, but with a pantry, underground parking, brand new cabinets, light fixtures, and appliances, and a HUGE bathroom. And the best part: It has a washer and dryer!! Momma's getting a washer and dryer for Christmas!!! I couldn't be more excited. With cloth diapers, three kids, and remembering all of the newborn blowouts, we NEED one.

Unfortunately, that means we're moving. In January. Our lease begins January 1st, but the manger will probably give us keys before then so we can get started. With not knowing when the babe will arrive and the notorious Wisconsin winter, it's a bit of a hassle, but it feels like it'll be a good thing for our family. And did I say I'll have a washer and dryer?!

Claire's Three!

Well she will be. On Wednesday. We decided to have her party the Saturday before her birthday. Claire really wanted a princess party. I honestly have no idea how kid's birthday parties are supposed to work, and I was overwhelmed scanning Pinterest for ideas. Since when did birthday parties become such a big spectacle? With potty training and my school schedule, I had to keep it pretty simple. We completely forgot about the BYU/Wisconsin football game, and I'm so grateful some of Claire's friends could still make it to her party. Claire had a blast and loved having everyone there.

I set up a dress up table with some necklaces, bracelets, hair clips, and ring pops. I wanted to find some knight things for the boys, but couldn't find any.

We had a craft table where everyone could decorate a crown. The girls seemed to love that and were very creative.

The food was themed, and I meant to make place cards, but when it came down to it, I really didn't care. The pigs in a blanket were supposed to be "swords in sheaths", chips were "dragon food" and the fruit was made to look like magic wands.

Because I had class on Saturday, I decided to set everything up Friday night. I was excited about making Claire's cake, even though it was probably a little too ambitious for me. I wanted to make her a castle, but I ended up using 5 boxes of cake mix and spending 3 1/2 hours on the stupid thing. It started out fun, but when the cakes started sticking to the pans, and I had to throw away two of the cakes, I started to get really frustrated. I think I scared Ross. After a second trip to the grocery store to get more cake mix, I calmed down. And I was happy with how the cake turned out, even though it wasn't quite what I was envisioning. I now know what it means to do anything to make your child happy and their day special.

Saturday morning Claire came out front. First she saw the streamers, and then she saw the cake. She had the cutest shocked expression and said, "MOM! You made this for ME? For my BIRTHDAY?!" Then she talked about how beautiful it was and asked if we could take a picture. She's so funny. Then she ran in to wake up Ross. "DADDY! You have to wake up! You have to come and see! You have to open your EYES!!" We saw the future of birthdays and Christmases and all of the excitement. It made all of the frustrations of last night totally worth it. She LOVED her cake and was SO excited about it. She made us sing Happy Birthday to her five times before I had to leave for class.

Thanks to everyone for coming and making her birthday so special! She had so much fun and is still talking about it!

Potty Training.

Last week was quite possibly the longest week of my life. And we're doing it all over again this week.

We've been potty training. And I'm pretty sure my children are only alive because of Diet Coke, and my sweet mother in law who will listen to me whine a million times a day without judging me or making me feel like a complete idiot.

When it comes to parenting, I have no idea what I'm doing. I am totally out of my element here, especially in the potty training arena. We cloth diaper. And it's fantastic. And we have two kids in diapers. And we really don't want THREE kiddos in diapers. One night Claire had started to poop and Ross and I decided to stick her on the potty against her will. And she did it. We made the biggest deal out of it and that's what got this train rolling. And I wasn't ready for it. I really don't think there's a "good time" to potty train. There's ALWAYS something going on. Every single week is ridiculously busy, so I just had to go with it.

I thought I had a good plan and went with it for the first two days. Boy oh boy was I wrong. It was frustrating. Everyone was yelling and crying and it was the most frustrating, miserable two days. That second night I really didn't like myself, really didn't like being a mom, and really didn't think I was cut out for this. I started to think Heavenly Father had made a MONDO mistake by making me a mother and putting me in charge of these girls. I had a pretty lengthy chat with Him about all of the reasons why He got it wrong and how I'm REALLY not cut out for this whole Mothering business. I literally felt like I was going INSANE and should be admitted. But I didn't want to give up, because then the two miserable days we had spent destroying our relationship would be for nothing. After I soaked my pillow and stained it with mascara, I had a new idea.

On Day 3 I decided to completely change tactics. The new plan seemed to be working MUCH better. Everyone was happier, I didn't have to spend the entire day in the bathroom (Which was probably contributing to my loss of sanity.), and most of all Claire was happier and she still liked me despite all of the trauma of the previous days.

It's been hard, mostly because with my doctor appointments, I have to put a diaper back on Claire which kind of undoes the work we've been doing. We aren't there yet and we'll be continuing potty training this week, but it's going! Even my little old lady clients keep telling me this WILL end and she WILL get it. I still don't believe it.

Sometimes when Claire is sitting on the toilet, she'll quote random parts of Tangled to herself. Her favorite parts are when she meets Flynn Rider, and when she realizes she's the lost princess. So I'll be in the kitchen cleaning up and I'll hear, "Who are you, and how did you find me?" Or "Did I mumble, Mother? Or should I even call you that?" She cracks me up.

When she's on the potty, I set the timer for five minutes and walk away. Five minutes seems to be a good amount of time for her to try, and it's just worked better if she's in there alone. When she starts going she'll yell for me and say, "I'M DOING IT!!" One time while she was on, she started yelling for me. I came running, thinking it was time for the potty hat and to blow the celebratory horns, but when I walked in, she had unrolled the ENTIRE roll of toilet paper and draped it around herself like a boa. She was so happy and told me about how beautiful she looked and said, "I need more, Mom!" Later, the entire unrolled roll was crammed in the toilet and attempted to be flushed down.

Hopefully not too much longer and it will click with Claire. Until then, we'll just keep watching Christmas shows and chugging Diet Coke. I'm so grateful for the little tender mercies and funny moments of the day that I can laugh at.

Halloween.

The festivities started with a Harry Potter party at the library. They had different stations set up where the kids could make an owl, make wands, play quidditch, and have their picture taken in a castle. The girls didn't last too long, and they just wanted to play in the castle, but it was cute. Later in the week I took the girls trick or treating downtown. I loved seeing all of the kids in costume. The girls dressed up at superheros were my favorite, and the girls were a big hit at the retirement home. It was cute. We didn't get to stay long because I had an appointment that day, but it was more than enough time for the girls to get out and have fun.

Now for actual Halloween! We had a blast! It was pouring rain and I was just hoping and praying it would stop before trick or treating happened. Claire's finally old enough to know what's going on and she was especially excited about trick or treating. The girls were INSANE all day with excitement, so in the afternoon I took them to good old Micky D's to play and get their wiggles out while I gulped down some much needed Diet Coke. It was perfect.

After, we changed into costumes and headed to a friend's house for a birthday party. Ross met us there and we had fun celebrating with friends. After the party, we went trick or treating with the birthday girl. The first few houses all had dogs and the girls started to think that every house had a dog. They were into the household pets more than the candy. And honestly, what's cuter than 3 little girls all dressed up saying trick or treat the best they can? People were so nice and were scooping handfuls of candy into their buckets because they were so darn cute.

The poor thing was so exhausted she couldn't stay awake!