Cutting Myself Off.

Before we moved, my nutritionist girl friend came over. After her visit and amazing consultation, I was determined to stop my bad habit. And I did. For a little over two weeks. And then my kids got really sick, and we were moving, and yada yada yada. I have I think four more cans in the fridge and after they're gone, that'll be it. When we went to the store, I got a replacement, just a little flavoring to add to water. I have a new fitness goal and a reward set in place and I really need to start taking care of my body. So here's to you, Diet Coke. You have been a faithful friend, but it's time to end our relationship. I love you.

Motherhood.

Being a mother is terrifying. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and love being a mother, but I am not perfect. Far from it in fact. Sometimes I yell, I get stressed out and overwhelmed, I toss and turn at night thinking about the ways I screwed up, how my poor children deserve the perfect mother, and yet they got stuck with me, lots of things. Sometimes I'm not sure how I got blessed with such funny, interesting, sweet baby girls, when I'm sure there's a long list of women who would do a better job as a mother.

Humans are unique. When we are born, we cannot do anything on our own. We have to be cared for and taught. And that is terrifying to me. Aoife is almost 11 months and still army crawls, she can't go from sitting to crawling (or vice versa) on her own. Shes not standing or pulling herself up. And sometimes I wonder what I'm doing wrong. Claire was "late" too, so I tried something different with Aoife, but she's "late" too. I miss my reassuring pediatrician and I'm a little upset with him for not relocating with us.

Claire just turned 2 in November, and I feel overwhelmed and disappointed that she isn't fluent in Latin, Spanish, and Romanian, can't read or write, and doesn't know the difference between mitosis and miosis. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing as a mother. 

We only have one car. In Utah, I'd drive Ross to work/school and pick him up every day. The girls and I would go explore and play. Since moving, Ross has needed the car to travel between offices. Now that orientation is done, us girls could have the car. Instead, Ross and I decided that he would have the car Monday, Wednesday, and Friday while I had it Tuesday and Thursday. That way we save gas, and the girls don't think they need fun outings every day. M/W/F have become my cleaning days. (Well, except for today. I'm still waking up.) But I also use those days to play with my girls. I make sure they get individual time, and time together. I've been looking on Pinterest, and I've found some indoor activities I could do with them, too. Remember my Toddler Jar? I think I'll be making another one of those, and include activities to develop skills and little things I could teach.

Today I've been researching potty training. I tried once before, but it was way too early. She wasn't ready and I just got frustrated. Lately she's been going into the bathroom. Her potty is set up right next to the big toilet. She'll sit down next to me still clothed and wearing her diaper, says she's going tee-tee (though I seriously doubt she really is). I'll hand her a wad of toilet paper to wipe and she'll carefully wipe her self, despite being fully clothed, and then she'll flush the toilet for me. She's been wanting to wear her Disney princess underwear, and loves being sans clothing whenever we're at home. She's been telling me when she's going, so I think she's ready. This weekend I'll be going out to pick up some little potty prizes, and we've been discussing the potty all morning. We even watched a bunch of stupid potty song videos on YouTube. (Most of which were disturbing, but Claire still loved them.) They got her excited about using the potty. Come Monday, she'll have to say goodbye to her diapers, but she'll get to wear the coveted princess panties.

I guess the idea of having to teach my child to go to the bathroom in the toilet feels so daunting right now. However, I do not wear diapers, and neither do most grown ups. Obviously it can be done. Right? I know I can do so much better as a mom, and I'm excited about the changes and plans. I guess I'll just need to focus on the small victories for a while, instead of counting the number of times Claire asks me to sing the ABCs with her. I spend so much time worrying and looking at my incomplete to-do list that I haven't fully enjoyed the ride. The dishes can wait. I don't need to wash the burner pans three times a week, and who cares if my carpet is perfectly vacuumed every day? I'd much rather play catch and do somersaults anyway.

Recycling.

Ross and I spent most of our growing up in Oregon. If you didn't know, Oregon is BIG on being green and recycling. My sister is a true Oregonian. When she was little, she would seriously get upset if we forgot to recycle just the tiniest thing. She even wrote a letter to the President about endangered animals. And he wrote her back.

After Ross and I were married and moved to Utah, I was horrified that our condo complex didn't have recycling. I think for the first week I was wandering the parking lot looking for the recycling bin, which didn't exist. Little naive me even sent a letter with our HOA payment about how we needed to have recycling. (I'm sure my sister would have been so proud.) It was a waste of a stamp.

When we started apartment/house shopping, I noticed that a few of the apartments actually advertised recycling as part of the amenities. Words can't even describe my joy and our house hunting turned to exclusively those that listed recycling.

We filled that bin up with our moving boxes and since then I've gone a little overboard. I saved a smaller box from the move and I keep it under the sink as our recycling bin. J-you are in my heart each time a put a scrap of cardboard in the recycling box.

My overflowing recycling box.

Since my recycling box is over flowing, this one is almost full, too.

When Ross' schedule gets more settled, I think I want to wrap it in fabric and do it up Pinterest style.

Long Distance Relationship.

This is my BFF, Kami. Unfortunately, we were too busy having fun together to take a picture of us together, so this is her and her cute family. If I had Photoshop, I'd smack myself in there, too. In fact, I'm not sure why I wasn't invited to their picture session.



We're pretty much like twins, and we get along perfectly. Luckily, Kami has a son, Boston, that's only a tiny bit younger than Claire. And they got to be pretty great friends, too. It all started from Boston stealing Claire's sippy cup while they played in Relief Society, then they got to be in nursery together, and we had lots of play dates in between.

Claire misses Boston, probably just as much as I miss my Kamikins. She still asks daily to play with Boston. Luckily they've been able to keep in contact.

I really do miss hearing Boston and Claire squeal and scream as they run up and down the hallways and watching them play together.

Kami, we should probably set them up on a Skype or Face Time date.

Back to School.

Yesterday I took a big leap of faith that was a long time coming. I enrolled in the cosmetology program at Empire Beauty School. I think last September was when I first seriously thought about it. In the months following, I did research, talked to friends in the industry, researched the three major schools in the Madison area, researched more, called a lot of people, and prayed and prayed and prayed and fasted about it.

Each time I prayed, I had the same peaceful feeling about it. And then I'd think about my girls and what I would do with them, and fear would take over. This week I spoke more intimately with the major schools in the area. After the first two, I still knew that this is something that I need to do, but the girls were holding me back. Reluctantly, I called Empire, the last school on my list. The first question I asked was if they offered night classes. I almost peed my pants when he mentioned they did. The rest of the conversation went amazing and I was eager to meet with him. I had already scheduled tours of the other two schools. When I had asked them about bringing the girls with me in case I couldn't find a babysitter, they responded negatively. However, when I asked Jason, the admissions director, about it, he was so excited to meet them and asked me to not even think about finding a babysitter. So the school seemed perfect before I even went in.

Yesterday Ross picked the girls and me up while he was driving between offices so that I could have the car. The school is only 3 minutes away from his office. We had a little over an hour until our appointment, so we went to McDonalds for a quick bite and to let Claire get some energy out. (Ok I'm embarrassed about how many times we've been to McDonalds, but more on that later.)

We got to the school, girls loaded in the stroller with the proper distractions. (iPad, fruit snacks, and my phone.) And went in. I immediately noticed that the students on the salon floor were always busy. No one was just standing around. If they weren't working on a  client, they were working on their mannequins. They had a few people waiting in the lobby, and everyone was so kind and friendly. They even had a few regulars that the students and staff knew by name. I filled out a little paper work and then headed back to meet with Jason and learn what I could about the program.

I could write you a novel out of excitement, but I don't want to bore anyone. I'll be in class Monday-Thursday 5:45-9:454 and Saturday from 9-1. So 20 hours a week. I love that the girls will always be with either Ross or me. And I'm grateful for his support in letting me do this. I wanted the whole package deal. I want to learn hair textures, coloring, cutting, styling, nails, artificial nails, skin, facials, make up, waxing, the business side, and the science side. I wanted the WORKS. I wanted to compete in shows, and have extended education opportunities. And this program had it all. I got to look into a classroom and watch for a while. I'm sure it'll be hard, being a mom is hard enough, but it also looked like fun.

And now for the icing on the cake.  The extended education opportunities. Nick Arrojo is a partner of Empire. (If you don't know him by name, a while back he was the hair stylist on What Not to Wear. When Jason and I were going through the book, his picture came up and Jason said, "This is Nick, we'll talk about him later..." And I freaked out. I'm pretty sure I blurted, "I know Nick! Tell me now!!" So he teaches and does workshops for Empire students. And I get to go to them and meet the man himself. (I don't get to brag very often and my braggings are usually  something like, "I totally got that poop stain out of the carpet from Aoife's blow out.".

Classes start February 18th, so I still have a little time to get acclimated and explore Wisconsin a little more. I'm really excited about this though, and know it's what I need to do right now. 2013 is off to a great start!

Week 1 in Wisconsin.

The next few posts are probably going to be all about Wisconsin and y'all are going to get sick of me talking about it. But here we go.

We arrived a week ago, and it's easy to say how obsessed I am already. I love it here. I hope we're here for a long, long time. In fact, the city we live in is #1 on CNN's list of the top 100 best places to live in the US. The people here are so kind and friendly. Last Saturday we did a Costco run. We had just finished checking out when I saw the formula I meant to get. The gentleman who had loaded our cart quickly chirped that he would go get it for us and asked what kind and how many we wanted. After he got it for us and scanned us through, he talked about the Costco layout and where that particular formula would ALWAYS be. He did it purely out of kindness and with so much pleasure and joy, it was so different from the, "you're a complete idiot, why didn't you know where the formula was" attitude I'm sure we would have gotten anywhere else. Ross commented on the level of niceness here. Like how in Utah, the highest level of niceness would be like the most sour person here in Wisconsin. And it's true! So far everyone we've spoken to has been outrageously kind and friendly.

The cold isn't even close to how horrible my imaginations were. I even think it'd be tolerable to run outdoors as long as it wasn't too early in the morning. The sidewalks and walkways are completely clear. Ross has had the car since he's needed to travel between his office in Madison, and campus in Verona. Yesterday, I decided the girls and I needed out. We visited the leasing office of our apartment to chat with our lovely managers and pick up our fitness room key and then we walked to McDonald's for drinks. They even had a mini play structure for kids under 3, which Claire loved. I was told I could even take the girls to the fitness room with me. How awesome is that?! It's really nice not having to rely on Ross being home to watch the girls so I can work out. Our manager also told me that our complex has a weight loss challenge as well as a zumba class starting in a couple weeks and invited me to join. (Not sure if she was trying to give me a hint or not. Kidding.)

Ross started work on Monday and has met some really great people. He's getting some incredible benefits, too! Epic has a ton of interest groups and clubs, which I think he'll really enjoy. Today he gets to stay on campus for training and doesn't need to travel between offices, so the girls and I dropped him off this morning. We left pretty early and enjoyed a gorgeous drive on country roads. We got to watch the sun rise on our drive and just look at where we are. It truly is gorgeous. Maybe it'll bring out the country in Ross, too. We dropped Ross off in the underground parking, so we only got to see a couple of the buildings, but we will definitely be taking a tour. It looks really cool.

Since we have the car today, the girls and I will be doing a lot of exploring. I love the smaller town, country side, but I'm also beyond excited about having 2 targets and a couple malls nearby. Today we'll be checking the town out, hopefully pick up a library card, and will hopefully finally get some laundry done. It'll be a good day. And now for some pictures I found on the internet of our lovely home, since I haven't taken any myself yet. And I'm okay with using them, because yes, it really looks like this our here.

Before we came out here, a very dear woman in Oregon that I've known for a while told me if she could pick anywhere to live, it'd be Wisconsin. If she could live in Wisconsin for the rest of her life, she would die a happy woman. I'm looking forward to all the fun opportunities we'll have throughout this year, especially come summer. So far, it's been fantastic and far better than I imagined. I cannot wait for more!

Resolutions.

I'm not really a New Year's Resolutions kind of gal, but I am a huge fan of goals. I've been working on a few things and thought I should actually write them down.

-Clean the kitchen before bed every night. I love waking up to a clean kitchen, but HATE doing dishes. Especially at night. I feel like my day starts off better when the kitchen is already clean, so I'm putting on my big girl pants and just doing it every night.


-Read the scriptures daily. It's embarrassing how bad I am at reading and I'd like to do better. Even if sometimes it's only a verse or two. I guess my ultimate goal is to be closer with Heavenly Father, and this was something I decided to work on.

-Healthy. I don't really have a set goal, but this is something I've been working on. The best part about moving, is that the food in my kitchen didn't move with us. We get to start over. Meaning, if I don't buy crap food, we don't have it. So far it's worked out really well. Our apartment complex has a fitness room, which I still need the key for. With the holidays and move, I haven't run in who knows how long, and haven't really worked out. I'm not sure what a realistic fitness goal is for me yet. It's a challenge for me with two babies, and a lazy attitude. I definitely want more muscle and less muffin top, so I'll be lifting again. Since I haven't been running, I'm not sure if I'll actually do the half marathon I'm registered for that's in less than 2 weeks, but we'll see.

-Expanding My "Zone". Meaning, my comfort zone. I want to be more involved in the community as well as our ward. In our last ward, it was so easy to show up and sit back. We don't know anyone out here, and I want friends, ASAP. So I joined a few women's social groups on meetup.com, and signed up to have the missionaries over for dinner tomorrow night. Next week we have a relief society activity that I'm excited about. I had a friend that was in our old ward a little over a year ago. She was so involved with everything and never turned anything down. The funny thing is, it was completely unlike her personality. When she moved into the ward, she decided she was going to be different. She had an attitude of, "I am you know who from you know where, and you are going to LOVE me today." And everyone did. I learned a lot from that gal, and decided I'd implement that here. I am going to have an adventure and try everything. Before Ross and I were married, I was fearless. Immature maybe, but fearless. Ross helped me grow up, but I lost a little of my crazy self along the way.


I think those are the main things. Of course I want to be a better wife and mother, but hopefully by working on me, those will follow and fall into place.