Humbling Butt-Kickers.

The last couple months, especially the last couple weeks, have been filled with little "butt-kickers" that have really made me think good and hard about who I am. It's been a humbling experience. I guess we all need those every once in a while.

Butt Kicker #1: This has probably been the biggest one. It's no secret I had a difficult time transitioning to Motherhood. What you probably don't know is that I wasn't jumping out of my skin with excitement when we found out we were expecting another so soon. Not only did I have a lot of doubts and concerns, mostly with my ability to handle two babies at once, but I was losing weight and was dedicated to my Bikini-Bod goal. These past 5 months I have grown to love this little girl and know with an unshaken certainty that it is perfect timing for our family. I can even say I'm excited, though not as excited as Ross. It's been a wonderful reminder that I'm really not in charge. There is a specific plan for each of us. And more often than not, that plan doesn't match up with the plans that we might have in mind. My dear Mother In Law often says, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!"

Butt Kicker #2: While the thought of having two kiddos in the house has brought joy and excitement to our home, it's also brought Ross an insurmountable amount of stress. I haven't worked since the tail end of last October. Much of the time I take for granted all of the work and effort Ross puts in for our family. Last week we were having a family discussion and we decided I should start up a paper route again. I contacted one of the old managers and he had a route open! The route was actually the biggest of the lot, but also the best paying. Unfortunately, I only lasted two days. And I complained the ENTIRE time. After yet another family discussion, we decided I shouldn't be doing the route, under one condition. For every complaint I make, I have to give Ross a five minute massage. It made me aware of how much I complain.

It's been three days since that discussion, and I can proudly say Ross hasn't received any massages. Honestly, that deal has been the best thing for me. I've become so aware of my infinite amount of blessings, as well as the many areas I've been lacking gratitude. (How appropriate, the week of Thanksgiving.) I feel like I've been a real chump and I'm so grateful for this change of attitude, and even more grateful for my hardworking husband. In the two years we've been married I can honestly say I have never heard him complain, or say anything bad about someone else, something I KNOW I need to work on.

Butt Kicker #3: Since Sunday, I have been considerably happier. Ross has always told me happiness is a choice. I guess I've never actually made that choice. That is, until the threat of owing Ross a massage came around. I've been in a pretty bad mood. Since Claire was still sick on Sunday, we stayed home from church and decorated for Christmas. I haven't been in the Christmas spirit at all. Whenever a Christmas song would come on the radio, I'd change it as fast as I could. I was determined to not acknowledge anything Christmas until after Thanksgiving. I guess I finally caved because we brought out all of our decorations, including our $3 tree from DI. We had fun decorating as a family for the first time and I've even listened to Christmas music in the car since then.

I think the added cheer and spirit in our home combined with my new determination to be grateful has lifted the mood significantly. Yesterday, we started off the morning with Claire rising before 6, a new habit of hers I'm afraid. Ross and I fell back asleep watching Baby Einsteins with Claire and woke with just a few minutes before we had to leave for school. Once home, I was looking on Amazon for some birthday gifts for Ross. Claire did a little online shopping, too. After I cancelled and refunded her orders, she had a big blowout. While cleaning that mess, I found her in her room. She had managed to dump her vaporizor out, soaking herself and the carpet. The afternoon was followed by smearing snacks over the coffee table, and more blowouts. I had managed to fold the laundry. I went in our room to put it away, and came back to find Claire picking a bug's exoskeleton off of her tongue.

The thing is, through all of those "adventures" I couldn't help but see the humor and laugh at everything. It was actually a fun, incredible day! And surprisingly, Claire eating a bug didn't bother me at all. (Which is a shocker because I'm grossed out by even butterflies.) I guess I've learned to choose to be happy and enjoy the little "adventures".

It makes me think of a talk Thomas S. Monson gave a while back, where he says, "...be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly. ...Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows." (Later he goes on to talk about gratitude. Oof. If only I hadn't been so quick to forget his talk!)

I can think of many more butt-kicking lessons, but I'll stop purging myself for the world to see. Humbling experiences are never fun. It's been a rough few weeks, but I'm grateful for the result. I am amazed at Ross' and Claire's capacity for patience with me. I couldn't be any luckier! Most of all, I am grateful for my Savior and for the Atonement. It's amazing knowing I can always have a fresh start, and that I can never run out of those fresh starts.