Right now I think I'm still struggling with this whole "just a mom" bit. Take a girl, barely 20, out of a school and work environment and tell her to stay home all day sustaining and entertaining another human being and you'll probably end up with a crazy girl. At least, that's what I feel like. I can't count how many times people ask if I'm in school, if I'll ever go back to school, or my favorite after getting those two questions: So, if you're not in school, do you work?. No, probably, but now is not the time, and no, I don't. Honestly, I've never felt like such a loser in all my life. I'm not sure if it's just because we're in college town Provo, or what. The dumbest question anyone could possibly ask a mother is: So, what do you do all day? Or my other favorite: So, you just sit at home all day? The months without sleep add to the crazy, and you gotta admit, mothers have pretty strong arms. I haul around 17 pounds of child all day long. Not a smart move to ask if I "just" sit at home all day.
I spent the last couple weeks sending out resumes, only to not respond when I got calls for interviews. I guess the truth is, I'm grateful and happy that I don't have to work outside my home, and I really don't want to. I just have a hard time feeling like what I do doesn't really matter. However; I don't know how I could miss out on all of those smiles and laughs. But I will admit, I NEED my morning workout and mid day sonic run to refrain from going insane. Honestly, I'm so in love with that baby girl and wouldn't trade being a mom for anything. Sometimes I just forget that what I'm doing right now is probably the most important thing I could do.
Yup! You give up a lot when you are a mom, it's hard, you lose a lot of who you used to be. It gets better. Maybe find a hobby or some projects that you can do while she sleeps, that helps some. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I really need to find a hobby. The workouts have made a big difference though. I need to learn some new skills or something. haha
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