Sleep.

Weds was the last day of the paper route. Thursday was supposed to be glorious and I was supposed to sleep the entire night and enjoy not getting up at 2:30 to go roll 300 newspapers. I was up the entire night with contractions and didn't sleep at all. Lame. The next night, I was passed out before 10 PM, and didn't even wake when Ross finally came to bed. I slept the ENTIRE night. Without unisom. I didn't wake up till 7. That's NINE hours of sleep right there, ladies and gents.

I was making Ross' lunch while breakfast was baking and told Ross my body was feeling really weird today. His response: "Uhh rested?" It's true. I was thinking about it and this will be the first day in a few months that I would not be going back to bed after taking Ross to work. I have the ENTIRE day alone. And I have NO idea what to do with myself. Yesterday I scoured and scrubbed the house, so there isn't even anything to clean today! We'll have to see what I can come up with.

Gratitude.

It's something I'm working on. I complain. And whine. A lot. I'm pretty sure I've used up all of my complain vouchers for my lifetime in just the last few months.

Tomorrow is my last day on the paper route. Each day usually on my way home, but sometimes on my drive to the warehouse I see a man on University Avenue in downtown Provo. He's either curled up on a park bench in front of the Health and Justice building, or under the eve of Zion's bank with a tarp of a blanket covering him. He has a shopping cart full of random things right by him, and if you look close enough, you'll notice the only shoes he has is a pair of pink women's 2 in heels. And it just breaks my heart. I think about him often and make a mental note to talk to Ross about him. But I usually forget by the time Ross is awake and I begin all of my morning "chores".

Last night I was treating myself to a hot bath while Ross was reading in the other room and I started thinking about this man. I didn't want to forget to talk to Ross about him, so we had a chat shouting through the door. Ross is probably the kindest person I know. He's never said anything mean or negative about anyone, even if he's had a bad day, and never gossips, or makes jokes at another's expense. It's one of the things I like best about him, and something I need to improve.

Ross suggested I give him a pair of Ross' old shoes and his winter coat when I see him this week. It was something I had been thinking about for a while. I love how in tune Ross is. Thinking about it, I got scared and told Ross how scary it would be to approach an old stranger and possibly wake him up, just because I'm a girl and it'd be dark. Ross just said, "Scary for you, or for him?" Good point.

This morning when I left for the route, it was snowing. SNOWING. And I was tired and achey and it was freezing outside. As I got in the car, I thought about that old man on University Avenue, and just didn't want to complain to myself anymore. I have been so incredibly blessed and have so many things that I really don't NEED. This last year of being married and truly on my own I have learned that having just a little is more than enough. I love it. I have so much to be grateful for that I haven't really even thought of. Instead of thinking about how cute my living room would look if I just had some curtains, I'm thinking about how great it is to own a pair of shoes that fit and are for my gender. I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband who can teach me a little more each day about kindness and gratitude.

One Year Down, Eternity To Go.

Things have been a little busy and it's taken me a couple weeks to get around to it, but we've been married for a whole year! Everyone always says the first year is the hardest. If that's true then we're in for a real treat! This has been the greatest, most fun year! A week ago, Ross and I were running errands. Sitting in the car, I go, "I think I've really grown up over the last year. I always thought that after you get married, you're automatically a mature adult. It was kind of a shock when that didn't happen!" Ross responded, "Yeah, you're definitely not the girl I married." uhhhhh "It's a good thing! You ARE a lot more mature and grown up! You're not as crazy as you were then." I love pure honesty. In all seriousness, it really has been the best year ever. Married life is just so fun!

After we got married, we had so much time after pictures until reception so we went to Olive Garden for some soup, salad, and breadsticks, and then did a corn maze. Most people shoot us weird looks and laugh when we say that, but I loved it. It was so fun! We decided then that that's what we'd do each year from there on out to celebrate and let me tell you, I was SO excited to go do a corn maze this year!

We went to Cornbellies at Thanksgiving Point. When we were looking at it online, it looked a little pricey, but they had two huge mazes and thought we'd give it a shot. It was the coolest fall/Halloween place I've ever been. They had SO much to do! One of my favorites was the mechanical bull. Though I didn't ride it, I am so excited for next year when I won't be cooking a baby. I told Ross that I WAS going to be getting on that next year. The guy operating the bull was so funny. After someone would fall off, he'd still move the bull around and charge, forcing whoever fell off to get up and run, usually stumbling and falling before they could get out.

They also had a princess pumpkinland with play structures and a princess bounce house. We liked watching all the little girls go inside the costume shop to play dress up in huge princess ball gowns and then go play. Ross is super excited to play dress up in a couple years. :]

We could have spent HOURS just walking around and doing all the little things and looking at stuff, there was just SO much to do. The maze this year was in honor of the 100th anniversary of Boy Scouts. It was huge! When we went in, we turned instead of going straight through the arch, and ended up doing the maze backwards till we got stuck and decided to turn around and go back to where we went in. It was so hard and by then we were cold and ready to be done. Maybe next year we'll have more luck with the maze!

I'm sure you've all noticed over the last year that we have been TERRIBLE at taking pictures. I fully intended to bring the camera and actually take pictures on our anniversary date, but I was too excited thinking about soup and salad that when we left for Olive Garden, I forgot the camera. We're hoping that once our little girl is out, we'll improve our picture taking skills. We don't want to end up being like, "Well, this is us when we got married, and this is you when you're 5. We're not really sure what you looked like before then, because we didn't really take pictures." Hopefully we see an improvement for year 2.

It's Official.

I am going to be pregnant forever. I've been sitting at 1 cm and "really soft" for three weeks now. My latest appointment was on Monday. This little girl has gotten HUGE and is now measuring 2 whole weeks ahead instead of just a little bit ahead. My midwife has me going in every week now so they can keep a close eye on me, and said to watch out for water breaking.

So naturally I've been walking six miles a day. The only thing that has accomplished is giving me the dumbest looking tan line. So yesterday, I took a break. I decided I was only going to get things done and run errands.

I finally changed my name and am now officially, and legally, a Loveland. I got a changing pad and cover (so cute), found those zigzag clip things that are on the back of picture frames to put on the backs of the name blocks, and I cleaned. A lot. Last week I spent 5 hours in our kitchen rearranging things and ended up throwing away a million boxes along with 4 sacks of garbage. Yesterday I took on Ross' study room, the bedroom, bathrooms, and laundry. I am now obsessed with laundry. If even just ONE piece of clothing is dirty, I have to refrain from immediately tossing it in the washer until I can fill it. I finally decided I didn't want this little girl to come until after Saturday. Ross and I can finish getting her room ready, and pack our bags. (Right now I have a list made and a pile in her room of the things I know I won't use until then. And it's a MESS.) Also, Ross will be participating in a Quidditch game on Saturday and I really want to watch and take pictures!

By the end of the day, I was pooped. After spending some quality time with Ross, I decided to take a bath. Just before I started running the water, there was a trickle down my leg. And it was hot. It wasn't very much, but it was enough to make me wonder. So I threw on some thin shorts and decided to hold off on the bath until I knew what was going on for sure. The last couple days I've been having a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions. For a couple hours after the mysterious trickle, there were a lot more. Sure, it was uncomfortable, but how is that different from the last MONTH!?

I'll go ahead and skip the TMI stuff, but a little after 11 last night, Ross talked me into calling to find out if we should go in. Lo and behold, a little before 12 we were on our way. The amniotic fluid test was negative. I was having little contractions on the monitor, but they kept me on there for almost 2 hours to keep being monitored. After the nurse left, the big ones came. Ohhhhh boy. We are def getting the epidural when it's real! It was kind of fun watching the monitor, and a relief to see it start to go down so I could tell when it was almost over. A couple times though, it would start to go down, stay there for a little bit, and then shoot back up for a really really long time. I'm sure Ross enjoyed listening me talk to the monitor, telling it to GO BACK DOWN, NOW!!! The nurse came back after a couple hours and did the amniotic fluid test again. Still negative. Cool. Baby girl is hanging out so low, and bladders are so fun and squishy. Nurse said contractions were getting a lot stronger and she could tell I was hurting, but I was STILL sitting at a 1 and "really soft". So we got sent home, but were told that if the contractions keep getting stronger to come back in. (Yeah right. They won't.)

Poor Ross didn't get to bed till almost 3:30, and had to get up at 7, while I went and did the paper route. I fell asleep on the couch when I got home, and didn't even wake up when Ross was getting his things ready to go. I did not make his lunch, and we did not get our cinnamon roll Friday this morning. I'm thinking we're going to have to have those for dinner.

I am confident that I will be pregnant forever.

17 Years Later, and My Raising is Still in Effect.

Last week on the paper route, I came across a white rose. It was super dark out. (well duh, it was 4 AM!) It was small, but looked pretty enough, and smelt divine. Naturally, I picked it. When I got home, I grabbed a cup from the kitchen, stuck the rose in it, and put the cup on the bathroom counter with a "Good morning!" note for Ross to wake up to. In the light, however; the rose was missing half it's petals, and was dirty and wilting. Oh well.

At breakfast, Ross casually brought up said rose.

R: Where'd you get the rose, babe?

K: *huge smile* I found it!!

R: Oh, so some guy didn't give it to you then?

K: hahahahah N-

R: Wait. You took it from someone's YARD?!

He has no faith in me.

To give him some credit, I DID find it while walking back from putting a paper on a porch. But it was growing in a gutter. Hence, the unattractiveness of it. The next day though, I paid more attention to all the flowers in people's yards. The majority of people on my route are mmm old. No offense. And as we learned from Secondhand Lions, old people garden. Their yards are perfect manicured and have gorgeous flowers. I could make Ross a prize winning bouquet out of them.

However, the last time I stole something, I was three years old at the grocery store, in the produce section, with my mom. I was shoveling in grapes like it was an all you can eat buffet about to close. Of course I got caught and she told me what I was doing was stealing, and taught me that was wrong. When we were checking out, my dear sweet mother had me tell the checker pay her something like two cents and while sobbing tell her what I had done. I had stolen her grapes. Thanks mom. You did a good job and I have never even THOUGHT about stealing anything ever again, and haven't even snacked on a few grapes at the grocery store.

People of Spanish Fork, you can be at peace, confident that I will not be creeping through your yards at 4 AM snipping your beautiful flowers to take home to my hunk o' burning love of a husband, all thanks to my mama.